Today was an interesting day.
It seems all events in my life converge suddenly.
The old "when it rains, it pours" deal.
Today was not only my four year anniversary with my boyfriend, but it was also his birthday, and the day that I helped my best friend Heather choose her wedding dress.
Oh my God.
My best friend chose her wedding dress.
I watched her mother cry.
As if in a movie. There was the woman I had known since I was in sixth grade, crying her for daughter.
Time moves so very fast.
When I look in the mirror, I still feel like a teenager. Sometimes, I am even mistaken for one. (YAY!) But moments like today remind me... no. You're a grown woman, and time moves very quickly.
My best friend Heather was so beautiful today. No, I didn't cry on the spot today... but I did on the drive home. My sweetie. My best friend. My one and only. Going off and getting married.
It's wonderful! It really is!
That she has met a man who she loves enough to say "yes" to.
I remember us as little (well, preteen) girls. Talking about Star Wars, Sailor Moon, David Bowie, The Monkees, everything! I remember looking over at her and thinking, "Yes. This is the only person in the whole wide world who will ever understand me. The only one who will ever accept me for who I am. All the way. No questions. She knows me better than I know myself." Stealing away at lunch hour in high school, to go sit on the Theatre Arts stage and eat lunch just the two of us, because we couldn't stand anyone else.
Boys, school, life couldn't tear us apart.
But today, watching her try on dresses... I couldn't help but be moved. My baby girl is all grown up.
I know, whatever. Girly BS.
But it's true. My partner in crime has found her partner. It's beautiful!
And she looked over at me, and said I needed to stand out since I was the Maid of Honor.
Honestly, when it comes to Heather, I never wanted to stand out. I just wanted to hide, like two girls on the theatre arts stage at East Rowan High. I don't mind standing out when it's a show... that part of me comes out... the outside Billie. But inside? I keep that pretty darn well guarded.
Because, honestly... who wants to talk about books, Star Wars, the latest anime, my new science fiction series, what gorgeous new dress we found, what constellation is currently in the southern sky, when the next meteor shower is, when soccer practice is going to be, the new guy on the swim team, my high school crushes, kendo, how best to dress up for the Aerosmith/Kiss concert, what new song I'm learning, writing a novel, sharing stories, how David Bowie and David Jones have the same name, how we're going to travel the world, what shade of blue she should paint her room, what the Ouija board said, that K-Mart had the Star Wars figure I was looking for, what eye-shadow is best for dark rocker makeup, how I was going to sneak out of the house, how it was okay to be who we are, that Sears had bellbottoms on sale, where did you get those cool new socks, how fast we went in the car around the Rowan county back roads, who could recite Monty Python lines, who could sing every part of The Labyrinth, quizzing each other on Star Wars malarky, how I wanted to move to England, work on our British accents so we could blend in, how we could change the drama club script to match our own desires, what the best flavor of ice cream was at Charlie's, check out my drawing that I was working on, that I just bought a pair of awesome black leather pants, talk trash about other girls that we didn't like, and generally dream about what our future was going to be like...
Heather always did. She always listened. She always accepted my craziness, and made me feel loved, whole, and okay with everything me.
When it's Heather? I don't want to stand out. I want to be just Billie. Hidden, proud, and happy of her special day. The ultimate support system. A pillar. A guardian.
I know... silly, huh?
You think little Miss "I'm gonna go play upright bass and do all these crazy motions with it!" would wanna stand out.
Not when it's "me".
But Heather knew me when I learned my first song on guitar. Heather knew me when I wrote my first song. Heather saw me before anyone did. Heather believed in me when no one else did. Heather made me feel okay.
"HEATHER! LISTEN! Check this out! Hear this guitar thing I did! I'm so happy!" And the phone was on the floor next to the guitar. "Can you hear it?" "Yes, Billie! *insert her wonderful laugh* I can hear it."
It's weird to think of myself as ever NOT having an instrument. Just being a girl that doodled and wrote in a journal and did crazy things just because.
She knew Billie before I was Billie. The dorky girl in braces and glasses. The one who made road runner calls down the hall and pissed everyone off. :) And she made the same road runner calls.
And there she was today... in a beautiful wedding gown.
I know... weddings are just silly technicalities. She's loved her man for a long time.
But, still.
I felt like the Doctor today.
I know, brace yourself, a Dr. Who reference! OMG!
Watching his companions go through life. Smiling that beautiful half smile and raising an eyebrow.
If you know what I am referencing to, you get it.
I know I am not loosing her, but gaining a brother. Another addition to the great big family of friends I have.
I don't let many people in my deep close circle. Very very few. Heather is my right hand. My partner in crime. My Super Monkette!
She's my oldest friend.
And she's going to be a beautiful bride. I am so proud to be in her wedding, and even prouder that she considers me special enough to be the Maid of Honor.
Yeah, so... I'm crying again.
Good Lord! Growing up is WEIRD.
I am thankful for all the wonderful friends and family I have that have helped me through the crazy times and stuck with me.
Everything changes. Everything comes and goes. Everything evolves.
It's the holding on that hurts. When the current starts tearing at you and you're still holding onto the same branch. It's a lot less painful and enjoyable if you just float. Enjoy the ride.
Heather and I will never be the same little ladies we once were. One of her bridesmaids had her daughter (flower girl!) along for the wedding dress picking. She kept giving me the biggest hugs. She was ADORABLE. And I kept thinking... we were once like that. Once little girls who loved glitter and pretty dresses. Sparkly things. Happy things. Uninhibited smiles... just beautiful.
But now we're older. Still the same happy smiles, but with a lot more living behind them. And, a lot more to go.
I'm so proud of the beautiful woman my friend heather has become, and proud that she is still in my life. What a beautiful bride she will be! Her finance is one lucky guy. The luckiest, I think!
Oh, and we talked about going paint balling in dresses for the bachelorette party. Cheers!
What's this week? More grad school goodness. Whoo! I feel like it never ends.
Hug the ones you love and call your dear friends. They're wonderful people and need to be reminded of how wonderful they are.
Adios for now, my lovelies.
Hugs,
~Billie.
